wandering down the road: Not too aimlessly

I spent the weekend in Cape Cod with my mom, sister and some friends. And then Jeff and I had two days together to make up for being apart for three days. We went out for a bite, shopped for Easter, visited with the nephews, took a pregnancy test, hung out with the pugs and just had some us time.

No, you didn't read part of that wrong. We did in fact take a pregnancy test. Or at least I did. I was having some symptoms and since I was on antibiotics last month and I also missed a pill after throwing it up with the stomach bug, it was a distinct possibility. So Monday morning I got up and got the three-pack from EPT. It turned out negative. Now, this could mean we're not pregnant or it could mean I took it too early. I'm due for my period on Monday. So, I can take another one then.
 
Jeff said he'd be thrilled if we were. He loves children. He's awesome with our nephews. And he LOVES babies. He and his dad are baby connoisseurs. And he has a daughter. So while it's not practical right now, he wouldn't freak out. So this got us to thinking that I'm not getting any younger and chances of conceiving after the age of 35 are diminished. And it could take me a while.

As usual, I've been scouring the baby boards and web sites in search of information. And every symptom I have, cramps, spotting, heartburn and even my bout of bus sickness on the way to work indicates a possible pregnancy. These symptoms can also indicate a myriad of other conditions or they could be coincidence. But with my over active imagination and tendency to be a hypochondriac, you know where my mind is wandering. (It's thinking cravings, maternity jeans, prenatal vitamins, mood swings, cute baby clothes, strollers, and another shower!) Of course I'd love a baby. I've love a mini me/Jeff. I'd love to have someone other than Jeff and the pugs to hover over. And despite the midnight feedings, teething, temper tantrums and the teenage years, I'd cherish all of it. While I try not to pressure myself, I do hear the clock ticking just a little bit. And I see everyone around me with children. And I joke "I'm not drinking that water," deep down I just want to take a little sip!

So why not try now? It's not like Jeff and I are teenagers. We're married. We have good jobs. Sure, we have a one-bedroom condo, but we've been talking about selling. This will only motivate us to fix it up and sell it quicker. But since we're not teenagers and fairly level-headed adults, we're also thinking, why should we try now. We have a good life. We're not starving or poor. And while things can be a struggle at times, we have it mostly together. And we love our lifestyle. We have Cella every other weekend an
d aside from that, we're pretty flexible. I can take a day off in the middle of the week and we can take a day trip to Mystic. Or we can catch a late movie whenever we want. And we don't have to fight over Barney vs. an "R" rated movie on the t.v. And while we have the pugs are they require some supervision and work, we just found a great dog walker for times we do want to get away for the day, no strings. And as Jeff said, in eight years, after Cella is off to college and he's off the child support wagon, we'll have more money to travel and spend money on us.

But for S&Gs, ok, more than S&Gs since the baby thing is clearly weighing on our minds, we're make an appointment with my OB/GYN for a consult. It's just to talk about it. We're being very adult about it. We know we'd both like either outcome.
 
So we'll see where this road in our marriage takes us. And as Jeff said "If it's in God's plan, it'll happen." If not, we have another road to wander down.